Step 2: Trust your triggers
One of the biggest false beliefs is that success is a zero sum game, that is, if someone scores a win that equates to a defeat for us – like we’ve missed out because there was only one chance or opportunity to make that achievement.
Our social media feeds allow us to peep over the fences of our neighbours whether that’s good buddies right though to that annoying girl who used to work in finance so we’re often exposed to other people’s ‘wins’ whether that’s job offers, new wheels or a designer handbag.
There will be some people, however, whose social media activity will trigger you more than most and can lead you to states of fixation and obsession with what they’re doing. It might be your ex’s new beau, that person at school that just seemed to be perfect in every way, that girl in your friendship group that can’t help but show off about all her bling and things… it’ll be different for each of you but here will be names coming to mind for you as you read this.
The fact is we each have an individual or group whose content we love to pore over and we can find ourselves 3 years deep in their holiday photos if we’re not careful!
These individuals trigger feelings of jealousy, frustration, resentment and annoyance for us because of our perceptions of what they appear to be, do or have. This leads us to silently stalk them from afar and sometimes this even bubbles over to being overtly bitchy about them when they’re not there – not nice and both behaviours get us NOWHERE!
It’s time to recognise these people for what they are which is a trigger and cue to what you truly want.
We often ignore the mirror these emotions shows us because it’s easier to deflect and offset our insecurities on to others – I’ve so been there and still wind up in that mindset from time to tome. And yet when I do I now see the opportunity presented by the hint I’m not happy – in this exercise we can finally break free of those obsessive chains.
ACTION STEP 1
Take out your pen and write down how peering over other people’s fences, comparison and self-sabotage show up for you and think about your interaction with social media to help with this. Collect downs all the examples specific examples whether specific people and things or general themes that get on your nerves e.g. weight loss or holidays might rile you up.
ACTION STEP 2
Now let’s dig a little deeper by writing down your answers to the questions below to help you get really clear on your triggers:
- Where do you feel dissatisfied?
- What are some of the limiting beliefs or ‘self nasties’ you tell yourself
- Where do the jealousy pangs or “I want that” feelings boil to the surface?
- Why did you choose to block someone on FB or Twitter recently? (A picture of another perfect vegan child and you keep tripping over your laundry mountain?”
- In your relationships with your mates, your siblings, at work, your peer groups, where do the “he/she’s ahead of me!” thoughts crop up
- Do you stalk your partner’s ex-boyf/girlf?
Write down all of the people – those you know as well as celebrities – that trigger feelings of jealousy or resentment and lead you to compare & despair.
List all of the reasons and things that they are, do or have that you feel like you wish you had.
These things make us feel stuck and like we don’t have a choice. And yet, we often think that we don’t have what it takes to get what we want because we’re not aware of the different ways for thinking we can access.
The best way to do this is to understand what might stand in front of us and what we want:
Think of an area of your life you may want to see change and write down your answers to reveal the insight to empower your own efforts:
- What is going on right now that tells you that you have an issue or a challenge here?
- As well as what is happening, what is missing from your current situation that you would like to have?
- What is happening now that is good that you want to preserve to contribute to achieving your goal?
- What have you done so far to improve things?
- What were the results you got from doing these things?
- What specific obstacles or possible barriers are in your way that prevent or hinder you from moving forward?
- What resources do you already have to help achieve your outcome? (Skills, experience, qualifications, personal qualities, talents, time, enthusiasm, money, support, etc.)
- What other resources will you need? Briefly write down where you will get them... what options do you have?
ACTION STEP 3 - you self-focus sum up
As you muse on your own individual answers, what themes are coming through for you:
- What’s the underlying meaning there?
- What’s the ‘so what?’ for you?