Social media is a bugger all year round when it comes to messing with our perceptions of our marital (or not) status – but Valentines day can put that stuff on steroids.
Like on other celebration type days, the filter factor is in overdrive and we spend an unparalleled amount of focus looking at our relationships and what is or isn’t happening.
At this time of year our feeds are filled with the colours red and pink, bouquets of flowers, chocolates and bubbles and handwritten declarations of everlasting luuuurrrve. “We are SO happy!” seems to be the subtext of every clip of the show reel of social media.
(This can be even more overwhelming if it comes via your ex squeeze, smiling up at you from Instagram with their new boy or girl (Well F*ck THEM for a start!))
Where we can trip up if we’re in a relationship at this time of year, is using V Day to be super critical of our partners, picking on what we see as their character flaws and lack of attention to detail- ironically putting focus on NOT feeling the love:
“I bet he will get me a crappy card from Tesco Extra”
“I bet she’ll expect me to have organised dinner”
“As per usual he’ll probably be too busy for us to actually have a proper date night”
“I bet <insert nauseating friend> will get those Celine loafers she’s dropped hints about. Her boyfriend ALWAYS seems to treat her and I get eff all”
This is where we need to be really careful.
If you compare your relationship to other’s, questioning why your lover isn’t buying, saying and doing certain things then you not only block the good vibes in your relationships but also remove your responsibility for your part in the status quo. Awkward but true.
A Course In Miracles highlights that the only thing absent in any situation is what YOU’RE not bringing. A way to get everything you want in your relationships, and remove the need for your other half to be psychic, is to bring it yourself and make present what you feel is absent.
- So if you’re feeling neglected – bring attentive gestures to you and your beau
- If you’re feeling resentful – bring forgiveness
- If you’re feeling like you deserve a treat – bring indulgence
- If you’re feeling undersexed and over worked – start fantasizing now and tonight get naked and bring some spontaneous spice to your sofa
Looking at, and obsessing over, what’s ‘out there’, going on with other people will get you nowhere fast.
Instead, try and look within, coming from a place of self love to create something from your own source – that’s the way to go to let love flow (not to mention great sex.)
So how do we start? Sometimes we need a bit of help letting go of our emotional baggage and expectations attached to our partner – these keep us rooted in the past or borrowing doubt and drama from the future and my sure fire way to bring in fresh energy starts with a couple of exercises as follows:
1) Go Back to THAT moment
Take yourself back in time to the exact moment you met your love – no, not just the time of year, the exact moment… like before you even left the bar, the meeting room when they walked in, the corridor you passed them and sneakily tried to sniff them (oh, just me?!)
The exact moment.
In those collected minutes, you weren’t thinking about their past track record were you? Nor were you concerned about how their dishwashing standards were not inline with your own. It wasn’t about lack or what they weren’t it was all about what could be.
In that moment that your worlds collided, your thoughts were probably more like ‘I wonder if they’re single’, ‘that is a REALLY nice beard’, ‘do you think she knows how sexy her laugh is?’…. And from those butterflies or flickers of excitement in that present moment, the fresh space was made that allowed all the other synchronicities to flow to where you are now.
Think back and visualize that moment – just you and he/she and the swapping of your phone numbers. Stay there. Close your eyes. What can you taste? What can you smell? What were you wearing? What was their hair like?
How does that feel in your body? Kind nice, huh?
One of the reasons you’ll probably describe it as feeling good, is because you were open and in a state of ENABLING and ALLOWING.
Because of this, possibility, creativity and joy were there for you both to claim in that present moment.
Possibility, creativity and joy can be grounded again and deliver a fresh feel to things in your relationship by complementing the visualisation above with this second exercise.
2) THANK YOU for THIS moment
Now, take some time to practice an attitude of gratitude. Be grateful for what you’ve been through together, what you’ve overcome, what you’ve built to date, the differences between you both, the links that bind you, the dreams you share, the future yet to reveal itself. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for all of this.
Instead of looking outside and comparing your relationship and it’s perfect imperfections to the highly filtered show reel of social media, take a breath and bring your focus back to your own path and thankful for everything it is. It’s the perfect way to ensure it’s everything it CAN be.
And now over to you – meet me in the comments and tell me how you feel about Valentines Day? Have you found it affects your feelings towards your partner? Does it make you look at what is present or what’s lacking? What do you feel you can bring more of to the table to help nurture and evolve your love life?
Love always, Lucy xx